The solution – Physical Therapy. So the awesome folks at Sport Rehab got the pleasure of seeing me 3 days a week for a couple of months, then twice a week for the next 6 months. Finally in September, my therapist decided that while I was still lacking some strength, all the mobility had returned and with the promise to keep it active, I was released. The next week, I did back handsprings at the gym with my team, video-taped it and showed it to my physical therapist! But, much to my dismay, within a month, the pain had returned. So I’ve resorted to massage therapy once a month. I have the unfortunate task of going every 4 weeks to a masseuse to have my shoulder and back worked on for 30 minutes. Right now, it seems this may be a new way of life, something I have to tolerate forever…darn. (I hope you read that with much sarcasm.)

But in my reflection, I noted several things I’ve learned to do differently. See, I’m left-handed…but only barely. I write, cook, and eat left-handed. That’s it. I was born missing muscles in my left hand so things like pouring, using scissors, or playing sports, I’ve always done right-handed. But not anymore. I couldn’t use my right arm for months so simple tasks like pouring a glass of milk or laundry detergent had to be done with my left hand. It’s now habit.

Then there are the physical reminders every day. Of course, the 8-inch, J-shaped scar is there, but honestly I can’t see it in the mirror without some effort, so I forget about it a lot. What I can see is my lop-sidedness. My right side droops. About 6 months after surgery, when all the swelling had finally subsided, I could see the gaping hole in my collar-bone area. The sunken spot where they removed all the tissue from my neck. And with the nerve damage, my right shoulder will never sit as high. I fight with tops almost every day trying to make them look like they’re not crooked, then give up, realizing I’M the one that’s crooked!

Finally, the constant tension. I say tension instead of pain, because it’s really more annoying than painful. I have no surface sensation (I’m numb on the outside) from my ear down to my shoulder and a good portion of my head as well. Some days my nerves fire like crazy and it itches…but I scratch and I can’t feel anything…because I’m numb! Do you know how frustrating that is?? It’s very similar to the sensations a paraplegic has in their legs. Only people probably think I have a major case of dandruff because I find myself scratching my numb scalp…alot. And my shoulder/neck area is stiff and tight. Not so much in a muscular way, but the skin itself. The scar runs the full length of my neck and around to the front so I can constantly feel the incision.

Ok, I’ve really veered off-topic…the original reason for starting this post. First, a brief refresher on the functions of the thyroid. The thyroid is the only thing in our bodies that absorbs iodine. Hence the treatment using radio-active iodine pills. You swallow a pill that can only be absorbed by thyroid cells and the radiation kills the cancer. In order ensure complete absorption, you rid your body of iodine before-hand. Well, the annual check-ups work the same way. This time I will get a micro-dose of RAI with a dye of some sort in it. 48 hours later, they will perform a full body CT scan. If any iodine shows up, it has to be attached to thyroid cells, which of course I’m not supposed to have. So for 2 weeks prior to my RAI treatment, I have to deprive myself of iodine. The list of foods I CAN eat is very small. Basically, if it’s processed (comes in a package, can or box), it’s off-limits as well as no dairy, egg yolks, red dye #3, and a whole slough of other things. I tried to buy a whole chicken last night so I can make my own chicken broth. I saw the disclaimer “enhanced with natural juices” on the chicken so I decided I’d better read the label…sure enough it had sea salt (and I’m strictly forbidden to have anything from the sea, including sea salt) in this “enhancement.” Really??? Can you not buy a 100% chicken??? Fresh fruits, vegetables, and fresh – unenhanced – meats for the next 2.5 weeks. My saving grace – I can drink coffee, tea, and soda!

The other good news is that I don’t have to go off my thyroid replacement medicine! Thanks to a man-made hormone, they can artificially elevate my TSH levels necessary for the scan and RAI, hopefully negating any hypo-thyroid symptoms I would have otherwise incurred. Now, the other part of my year has been a constant state of hypo-thyroid. My TSH levels need to be <1…my last check-up in December showed they are still at >15! I’m still increasing my hormone replacement dose every 3 months, with the hopes we get it right soon! So my treatment week looks like this: Monday – 7:30 am hormone injection; Tuesday – 7:30 am hormone injection and appointment with my radiation oncologist; Wednesday – 2:30 pm RAI pill; Thursday – start clear liquids diet and laxative; Friday – 2:30 pm CT scan. I will make 3 trips back and forth to St. Louis (100 mi. one way), staying the night Sunday and Monday due to the early appointments, and driving round trip both Wednesday and Friday. I will be exhausted when it’s over and ready to have a whole year before I do it again!

Now it’s different. This year, I began my 8th season as the head coach of the cheerleaders and dance teams at Missouri S&T (same great school, new name) and my second year as an academic adviser for the freshman engineering program. As I sit on those bleachers and walk across campus to my office where I advise 50+ students, my outlook has changed.

Monday morning at 6am as I watched the sun rise over the bleachers of Allgood-Bailey Stadium and observed my 22 athletes jogging around the track, getting ready for our first official practice of the season, I soaked it all in. I heard the football team chanting as they ran onto the practice field from their field house, watched the boys and girls soccer teams run laps alongside the cheerleaders and dancers, listened to the band in the parking lot as they marked their first field show. And I realized, I never really enjoyed this when I was a student.

A few hours later, I attended the freshmen convocation ceremony. I listened as Vice Provost Harvest Collier – a man I admire, as an educator, a Christian, and who has voice so smooth I could listen to him sing all day – explained the significance of the Joe Miner pin each of the students was given. He asked them to put it on and wear it proudly and to remember to wear it when they walked across that stage to receive their diplomas…then he ended his speech with the traditional chant…”Once a Miner, Always a Miner.”

Later that evening as my teams endured their second practice of the day (as they will every day this week) I closed my day by watching the sun go down over that same set of bleachers at Allgood-Bailey Stadium, watched as the volleyball team ran laps in the parking lot, the band rehearsed their field show…again, and students filed into the Rec Center for a game night. The weather had turned cool and as I drove through campus on my way home, I had the urge to park my car and walk out to The Puck and just sit there. I didn’t seize the opportunity that night, but maybe I will someday soon.

For my readers who might not be up-to-speed on thyroid lingo…a little teaching. The average person has TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) levels less than 5 (more specifically, they fall between 0.5 and 5). This is the hormone that tells your petuitary gland when to release T3 and T4 and how much to release. These affect almost every physiological process in the body, including growth and development, metabolism, body temperature, and heart rate.

In order receive my RAI treatment in February, my TSH levels were allowed to elevate above 50 – mine reached 78. Great for the treatment process. Once RAI ended, hormone replacement began in order to help regulate my TSH once again. After 7 weeks, it was measured at 56. Yesterday, 15 weeks after surgery and two dosage increases later, it is still measuring at 25. For thyroid cancer patients, my doctor wants it to be less than 1. We have a long way to go. He once again upped my dosage and plans to do so again in 3 months when I return (he says it’s better to baby-step it since I’m going from zero hormone back to “normal”).

In the meantime, I’m essentially a hypothyroid patient with all the symptoms and side-effects to go along with it. The good news of the day was that my body seems to be retaining Calcium normally again and I can reduce my supplements from 1800mg/day to 600mg/day or none at all if I so choose. This after I found a great buy-1-get-1 deal at Walgreens and purchased enough to last almost a year at the larger dose!

Work has been intense. I’ve only been back for a week and a half. The schedule is crazy and a little overwhelming after all the time I had off. I still get drowsy in the afternoon and don’t have the luxury of vegin’ on the couch anymore.

On a side note – my family has purchased tickets for a our traditional trip to Busch Stadium. Each year we treat ourselves to decent seats early in the season. It started 6 years ago as a birthday trip for our boys but with our hectic schedules, now we just pick a date that works instead of trying to have it close to their birthdays in May or June. We are going on Sunday of Opening Weekend. The kids are excited already – as is tradition, we made sure to pick a game where they will get to run the bases afterward. This will be Isaac’s 9th game and Austin’s 6th in his short 3 years of life so it’s old-hat for them. We’ll catch at least one other game later in the season, but those are usually the free tickets the boys get for being members of the Cardinals Kids Crew.

I am also on the search for St. Louis Cardinal-themed birthday decorations. We have had baseball decorations in the past, but Isaac has specifically said he doesn’t want just baseball, he wants Cardinals. I think we’ll end up with a few pricey STL Cardinal plates for the kids and lots of red and white! I did find some inflatable Cardinals bats that are reasonably priced that I think we’ll do for party favors, but I refuse to spend a fortune!

Until next time….

I went shopping. First I stopped at Whole Foods. I ate what they call green rice, which is really good and the only thing they make on their hot bar with kosher salt. I decided to ask at the counter since alot of the ingredients just said “salt.” They confirmed it was all sea salt, which I can’t have, but informed me they had a no-salt roasted turkey breast. I tried a sample then bought some for my lunch. I SOOOO wish I’d had a cooler! It was really good and I could have actually had sandwiches this last week of LID.

After I got home and settled into my bedroom for my 72 hours of isolation, I decided to do a little more reading on RAI treatment. I quickly came across a few blogs and spent an hour reading them. Then, frustrated, I closed them and  promised myself I wouldn’t read them again. Every one of them was negative. Everything from complaining about the LID (which I admit isn’t fun), to being upset that a friend had charged sitting fees while she watched their son during her isolation. Then the ranting of the loss of taste-buds and swelling of the saliva glands…About the only two side-effects associated with RAI. We have CANCER, people!!! We have a surgery or two (some more extensive than others), eat a special diet for a few weeks, swallow a pill that makes our LID food taste funny for a week, spend a few days in isolation. A SMALL price to pay for being cured. Most cancer survivors endure multiple surgeries, dozens of chemo treatments (hair loss severe illness, etc.), plus radiation that takes WEEKS and involves hospitalization.

I feel almost guilty even saying I have cancer, let alone complaining about what little treatment I have to endure. I’m resolved tos tay positive even when things get complicated (like hearing my son crying down the hall right now and not being able to take care of him). I think this part of the treatment will be harder on the rest of the family than myself. I had my first surgery just 9 weeks ago, the second was 3 weeks ago. In the midst of all that we spent a week traveling to see our families for the holidays. My husband has done alot of parenting on his own lately. Minor offenses are exaggerated simply because of everything we’ve all been dealing with.

I’ve set up my DVR to record a few movies this week since our satellite is giving us a free movie channel…Just started “This is It.” During the day, I’ll be out around the house cleaning and taking care of everyday stuff. The evenings will be when I have to entertain myself while I’m confined to my bedroom and my 24″ TV (gonna miss the 46″ for sure!!). I’ll do some reading, too. Sleeping will probably not come easy since I don’t sleep well without Ryan anyway. I’m sure this will be challenging…but isn’t everything in life?

I came home on Thursday, two days after the surgery. Friday, my husband drove me around town to run some errands and take care of a few things. Saturday, I got out for a couple hours to watch my son’s Upward Basketball game. But the past couple of days have been tough. I’m exhausted, emotional, having pain unrelated to my surgery, and I know I’m grouchy. I’m on a low-iodine diet to prepare my body for the radioactive iodine pill I will take in a couple of weeks so my appetite is off. The foods I can eat are so limited and nothing ever sounds appealing.

Radiation is tentatively schedule to start Feb. 8th – one week with a radioactive iodine pill. I wil be isolated completely for the first 72 hours, then limited cotact for the next 4 days. But the good news is once I start the radiation, I’ll be able to start my thyroid hormone replacement, too. Everything should start to feel like normal again shortly after that.

That’s all for now. Haven’t gotten off the couch yet today so I think I’ll go make some coffee…one thing I can have on my diet.

2. When given the choice I will watch mindless television instead of reading. If you’d asked I would’ve answered the opposite. However, after having 4 weeks COMPLETELY off from all three of my jobs following surgery in December, I now know the truth. I was excited about my time off and planned to catch up on some reading, thinking I would finish at least 3 books. Instead my days on the couch went something like this: morning news until 9, Kathie Lee and Hoda for a couple hours, maybe a Lifetime or Hallmark movie, some Food Network, and oh yeah…when nothing else was on, playing games on my iPhone. Very little reading was accomplished though I did finish one book and started another.

3. I always wondered how I would react if I was ever given a diagnosis like cancer…now I know. In September, I began testing for a “neck mass” my doctor found. It was diagnosed as a cyst and surgery scheduled to remove it. Initial biopsy came back clean and visual inspection led the surgeon to believe it was indeed an intact cyst. Pathology testing proved otherwise and I have been diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. It’s common and very treatable, but hearing the words were still shocking. I took a deep breath, asked all the right questions, and walked away with a treatment plan. I will have my thyroid removed in 10 days, undergo radioactive iodine treatment (with no side-effects) and be on my way. I will take thyroid medication for the rest of my life and see an oncologist once  a year for the next 10, but I’m dealing with that. I am forever grateful for our church family and friends who have stepped up and helped with dinners and my kids.

4. Turning 30 was harder than I thought. I really thought I wouldn’t blink an eye at my birthday this past spring, and on the outside it probably appears I was successful. But deep down, turning 30 has been strange. I suddenly feel like I should shop in a different part of the stores, not wear my hair a certain way, etc. The kids I coach seem like babies all of a sudden – when I started coaching I was only a year or two older than most of the team, now that age span is 10+ years!

5. Officially joining your church is important. Ryan and I have attended the same church since we moved to Rolla for college (he’s been there over 15 yrs, I’ve been there over 12). We were very active throughout our college years in Sunday School, worship, and other groups in the church. When our friends graduated and left, we didn’t really fit in. There weren’t alot of other young couples to attend Sunday School with and going to the college class didn’t feel right either. Then we had kids and avoided Sunday School altogether. About 2 years ago I decided it was important to find a class because our oldest son was no longer in nursery and needed to be in Sunday School. All this time, we never officially joined the church. In the Southern Baptist Association, this involves a public proclamation and, in our case, a transfer of membership from our home churches. We finally took that step this year, and it was the best decision ever. I just feel more “at home” now, like we belong. No one treats us differently just because we’re members, but I feel a certain responsibility now and an easiness about it.

6. Working with students really is my passion. After being laid off from my engineering job nearly 2 years ago, I began to re-evaluate my career path. I was always naive enough to believe you were supposed to get a job right out of college and retire there 30 yrs later. (I also thought you should buy a house when you got married and never move…it’s what my parents did…my husband and I are on house #3 though it’s the only one we’ve purchased, and we are in the works of building our dream house. However, I have put my foot down and said this is the house we would grow old in!) Anyway, one of the jobs I interviewed for was working with undergrads at my Alma mater.  I knew little about the job requirements so I researched the department. By the time I interviewed for the job, I had decided this is what I was born to do. I didn’t get that job, but it led to another part-time gig as an academic advisor for freshman engineering students. While frustrating at times, I absolutely love the satisfaction I get knowing I’m making a difference for these kids.

7. I really do have well-behaved children. At times, I think they need more discipline or that I’m doing something wrong, but several times this year I was reassured that my kids do behave…at least around other people. Our babysitter tells me frequently she would rather watch our kids any day than most of the others she sits for. At our family reunion, it was pointed out how my kids were the only ones that sat up at the table and ate properly without running around. And at a recent dinner hosted by a good friend of ours where another family with 3 young children was present, I was even amazed myself at well they acted at the dinner table. I asked my husband if he drugged them The kids sat at the kitchen bar while the adults sat at the table. The other kids were saying the were done and running around before the adults even had our plates filled. Mine sat perfectly quiet, cleaned their plates, and asked for seconds. Now, I attribute this mostly to the fact that we eat together at the table every single night…but it could just be that my kids really like to eat!

8. Gardening is very rewarding. Growing up, my family always had a large garden. I’ve wanted one for quite some time, but couldn’t convince Ryan to commit. A few years ago, he decided he wanted to grow some jalapenos in flower pots. We started with 3 pots. The next year, he grew 3 pots of jalapenos and 3 pots of hot lemon peppers and I added 3 pots of bell peppers. This year, I convinced him having a dozen flower pots to deal with was harder than just having a garden. So we built a raised bed – a necessity when you hit bedrock about 6 inches down where we live – and started a garden. We grew yellow squash, zucchini, all sorts of peppers, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and attempted to grow Lima beans at the request of our oldest son. We had a blast and ate healthier this summer than we ever have before.

9. I prefer pesto over tomato sauce any day. The only thing I knew about pesto was what I’d seen on cooking shows. And frankly, it didn’t look all that appetizing. Then I decided to make a recipe that called for it and absolutely fell in love. Now it’s my go-to lunch on the weekends for me and the kids. I just boil some pasta, stir in some store-bought pesto (or green sauce as the boys say) and we’re happy as can be. My husband still prefers red sauce with some sort of meat in it, but the kids asked me if I could make lasagna with green sauce instead of red!

10. My husband is my best friend. Ok, so I really learned that in 1998 when we met, but it’s a lesson I’m reminded of each day. After 12 years together, of course we’ve had disagreements and have gone through challenging times. But at the end of the day, he will always be my best friend. We talk frequently about friends that have come and gone in our lives for various reasons. And we always realize the reason this doesn’t effect us more is because all we really need is each other. We truly are best friends. I tell him the same stupid girly things I would tell my girlfriends, and he talks trucks and guns with me. We both bring things to the table from our up-bringing, but yet we are still very different from our other family members. We agree on everything important in life – our values, how we raise our kids, how we spend out time together. And for the things we don’t agree on – what toppings to order on a pizza, what temperature to set the thermostat, clear or colored lights on the Christmas tree – we compromise quite well.

Because of this lack of certainty and the fact that cysts can rupture, get infected, or a number of crazy things, the doctor gave me two options:

1) Return every 3-4 months for the next couple of years for another ultrasound-guided needle biopsy. Once they had “several” clean biopsies, they could say with more certainty that it was, indeed, a cyst and I could just leave it alone.

2) Have it removed.

After some pondering…and calculations on how expensive these biopsies would get considering I have to meet my insurance deductible before they will cover them, plus the 100 mile drive to the hospital, time off work for each test, and the fact I didn’t exactly enjoy the first needle biopsy and was having trouble finding anything positive about doing it 8-10 more times…I decided to have the surgery. He will make a 3-4″ incision horizontally on my neck and remove the mass and any tracts (roots) in may have. I’ll have a drain for a few days then I’ll be as good as new.

While the doctor was explaining the surgery and all the risks, I’m sure he was trying to be positive, but twice made me feel old. First he said these sort of things are usually things we are born with that grow and come to the surface during “middle age.” Second, while explaining the incision, he said I would have a scar, but he would do his best to find a crease (which in my mind equals wrinkle) in my neck to help camouflage it.

Anyway, December 7th, I will be mass-free and look a little like Frankenstein. In the meantime, I realized I need to get more Christmas shopping done beforehand!!!

Oh, and I’d learned the day before there was no need to fast since they were just doing a CT of my neck. The IV for the CT went smoothly, though the iodine they inject makes you feel very strange. I was instructed to swallow if I needed to then not to again for about 2 minutes while they ran the scan – Do you know how difficult it is to consciously NOT swallow for at least 2 whole minutes??? It’s really hard!

After the CT, they sent me for an ultrasound. The tech took some lovely pictures of my mass then used her skills to aid the doctor that did the biopsy. I’ve had several small biopsies before so I know a shot of lidocaine for numbing always comes first…and that’s generally the worst part. When he inserted the needle for the biopsy the nurse in the room gasped, and her eyes got huge – of course I can’t see what she’s seeing but I’m guessing it wasn’t pretty. The doctor informed me it had the characteristics of a cyst (a relief considering the other possibilities) but that he wanted to pull another syringe out of it because he was able to shrink it by just doing that. There’s alot of moving around and pressure going on and it’s not exactly comfortable…but it was tolerable and over in a matter of minutes.

I still won’t know for certain what it is until we get the biopsy results back. The doctor did say that cysts don’t go away by just draining them so it would be between myself and my ENT how we proceed if it indeed is a cyst.

I had my dreaded doctor’s appointment scheduled for Monday morning in O’Fallon, about 100 miles away. After Map-Questing (yes, I just made that a verb) my route, I realized I was going to be only minutes away from my friend, Laticia, who I have been trying to go see for several weeks. She and her husband are having their first child after many trials of getting pregnant, and I was unable to go to her baby shower. So I called her up and got the ok to crash at their place Sunday night. I got there around 7:30 and stayed up until midnight talking and catching up…it was GREAT!!! So Monday morning started off good. No long drive, had time to stop in at Starbucks to have coffee, and even read a few chapters in my latest book.

The doctor’s visit was somewhat uneventful, as I expected. He ran a scope (not a fun experience) then ordered more tests. I go back this Monday for a CT Scan and needle biopsy of the mass via ultrasound (they’ll use the ultrasound to direct the needle into the mass). But after my appointment, I did some shopping: Kohl’s, Target, and Micheal’s. Then had lunch at Chipotle, ending my trip on a very high note!

I got back to town in plenty of time for my advising appointments, but when I went to pick my kids up from daycare, my oldest wasn’t there. School was out so his daycare took a trip to the pumpkin patch. They were supposed to be back by 2:30 but had bus problems. They didn’t return until 6:30! They all got to ride on a big tour bus though so they thought that was pretty cool. Monday night I skipped my scheduled meeting to avoid paying a babysitter for my kids (Ryan left for Albany, NY, Monday morning), and we had a fun night at home. Tuesday was the same ol’ thing with work then cheerleading practice. I did tumble Tuesday night, though. It’s good for my self-image to do a few back handsprings ever once in a while ! Makes me feel not quite so old. Wednesday night is usually our one night to stay home so that’s exactly what we did. We played some Wii and watched America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ryan returned Thursday afternoon, and it was just in time. Things had gotten crazy at work and I had to stay late so he had to take care of picking up the kiddos. Thursday night was busy with our 3YO’s gymnastics and my cheerleading practice.

Now we’re gearing up for another busy weekend. Tomorrow morning Austin has his last soccer clinic/game, and Isaac has his last flag football game. Then we’ll go straight to Missouri S&T for our football game, not getting home until about 5pm. Hopefully we’ll find some time to unwind on Sunday. Ryan will go with me to the hospital Monday morning. The doctor really wouldn’t say much about a diagnosis, only that he would know more after he read the CT scan. I’m sure next week will be consumed by my racing imagination and reading more articles on neck masses until I hear back from the doctor. I’ll post an update when I do.